I lost my dad on Sunday, 26th February 2023, the day will be etched in my memory forever. As this is the day I lost forever the most important man in my life, my dad! Secondly, it was the day that my son James and I had travelled to watch Manchester United versus Newcastle United in the Carabao Cup Final at Wembley Stadium. The day had mixed emotions for me as my dad was so chuffed that we had tickets and was going to watch his beloved Manchester United play, he was so happy his son and grandson were going to be there to see it, but on the flip side my profound sadness at losing him was distorting everything, the sense of absolute loss was horrific, I wanted to come home but I knew my dad would have been so upset we missed the game, so we stayed and watched his team triumph 2-0 winners just how he’d of liked the result.
From that point everything is kind of a blur of emotions, coupled with things that have to be, people to be notified (Car, TV, Phone, Banks, Insurance etc.) The list was endless,on top of that trying to keep yourself level to take on each day as it comes. Not easy it really isn’t but it has to be done, I above anybody should know this given my job is a Funeral Director, but when it’s your own loved one, it’s a completely different kettle of fish. It was profoundly difficult to arrange my own fathers funeral. I won’t lie. It hurt like hell! But we finally got a date for the funeral on Friday, 24th March 2023, at 4 pm at Manchester Crematorium. My dad was resting at my funeral home (Sankey & Monks in Leigh) I wrote him letter the night before the funeral, the letter went with him, he was holding it in his hands when I closed the coffin for the very last time. My family and friends read my letter to him, my fiancée Michelle said I should read it at the service, but I decided against it, between myself and my brother Ben, we had covered all bases within the eulogy,but I wanted to share with you my letter, my last ever thoughts of my dad and to my dad. I love you, dad. miss you every day
Last Letter To My Dad
I don’t really know what I want to say, to be honest, I’d give anything to be able to send you a text message or talk on the phone, just to hear your voice again, just one more time, I selfishly always wanted you to be here with me, my shoulder to cry on, my go to person, my dad the only man I look up to along with Jimmy, but you chose to leave without saying goodbye, I have so much more I wanted and needed to say to you it wasn’t your time to leave me, I just needed some more time dad, just a little more time. I never bothered about our past it was water under the bridge. All I wanted was you in my life dad, that’s all. I loved when you came over to New York, I was so excited to be able to show you and Ben around, I felt so good that my dad was with me, walking the streets of Manhattan, watching the world go by. Me, you & Ben went from street to street, talking & laughing, it was brilliant. I never wanted you to leave, but I knew you had to.
The holidays I’ve been able to share with you & my own family ill cherish for the rest of my life, Warwick Castle, Ribby Hall, Centre Parcs, Rome sharing those moments with my dad, were legendary, I can only hope you enjoyed that time to? Having you as a massive part of mine and Michelle’s life has been a privilege, watching you with James has been fantastic he loves you with all his heart and will miss you immensely, but as your son I will ensure your never ever forgotten, he will always remember the laughs we’ve had, the quizzes we’ve played etc. Rome was an amazing time with you dad, drinking those huge beers you ordered, and the pasta neither of us wanted, but had to eat as you’d ordered it in Italian! Going up, Basilica was hilarious, the German telling you off priceless, but what sticks with me is I was there with you, just us doing our thing a father with his son, that time was precious to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for wanting to be there with me.
I know you didn’t know that Saturday 25th February was your last full day with us. I know that. I’m pleased you was with Mary and I’m happy you had a great night your usual witty funny self, but I’m sad that we didn’t speak again, I’m sad that my last ever conversation its you was at 1.15pm on Saturday 25th wilst I was driving to London to see United play Newcastle in the Carabao Cup, I know you was so happy we went and had tickets. I had so much more to say & do with you dad, more trips like Vietnam & Cambodia, Italy again, we’d discussed going to Auschwitz, but you left me.
I didn’t want you to go. I’m not ready & neither were you, James & Sonny need their Grandad! I could write 100s more pages, but they won’t bring you back, they won’t bring you home, I want to say I’m happy your with your mum & dad, brother & sister your best friend Pete Watson, but I’m not, I’m jealous because I want you here with us. I know saying “I Love You” wasn’t something that came easy to you, I understood that but I still had to say it to you, even though I knew you wouldn’t respond, I didn’t need to hear it to know you did! And I love you unconditionally. You’re my dad, my safety blanket, and I’m finding it hard to know where & how to fill the gaps you’re leaving my football conversations have gone, and the ability to talk with you randomly about everything & nothing is no longer here.
I’ve tried to be the best I can be dad, I know there have been times I’ve let you down, for that I’m truly sorry, all I ever wanted was for you to be proud of me & my achievements, I love you dad, I always have and I always will, I promise I’ll never forget you and will do my best to keep your memory alive always. I’m proud to be your son, I’m proud you’re my dad. Just wish I had more time. One day, we will meet again, maybe a while away, yet as my time is here with my family, but I hope in time we do get to be together again so we can talk again like we did before. I love and miss you, Dad. I hope wherever you are, your happy and content, all my love, your son Paul xx
Life Through Ordinary Eyes 