Funeral Directors Suffer Too!

Believe it or not many funeral directors are suffering mentally and physically through this pandemic! why wouldn’t we after all we are human beings, we feel, we hurt, we cry, we struggle, yet through most peoples eyes we are solemn, unwavering folk, really couldn’t be further than the truth.

When the government started advising us more and more on how the virus was spreading back in March 2020, for me as a funeral director massive concern started to come over me, everyday reports of infections and death rates climbing quicker and quicker, I like everybody else watched our country being consumed by this aggressive invisible killer, being the father of a young child, I immediately went into protection mode, wanting to ensure he was safe as well as the rest of my family, including my mother on the critical list to shield, my father who given his age I was massively concerned and worried for his safety and wellbeing, all the while my mind spinning around about, what will happen at the funeral home? how will our industry cope? how will we be protected? what can or cant we do now? plus numerous other corries and apprehensions, not unlike I’m sure my colleagues all over the country have felt at some point?

As the situation escalated from bad to worse across the country and in fact the globe, I went into a kind of automatic pilot, not knowing what lay ahead and the overwhelming safety implications that was to lay before me, and as the funeral director my task was to keep my teams and my families as safe as I could, document upon document was dispatched from our health and safety teams changing weekly as the virus’s grip tightened, obviously our role is to reassure our families and to make sure we fulfil those final wishes of the sadly departed person to the very best of our ability, even that was removed in numerous ways, when my local crematoriums and cemeteries, dropped attendances to 10 mourners only adding increasing pressure on arrangers and FD’s alike, churches closing, no singing, no bearers allowed, no viewing, etc. inside I was screaming, as I said I’m a person and there is a fine line between remaining calm and collective, whilst being nervous and apprehensive about the unfolding pandemic, which could claim any one of us as a victim sadly.

I know a number of people within our industry suffering far worse than I was, not understanding what was happening to their once calm commanding exterior, I probably don’t need me to tell you that the pandemic has not been great for anybody that’s about as obvious as the nose on my face. Everyone is feeling the impact in some way. Many I know including me have been feeling incredibly sad, angry, or anxious. A lot have been spending a lot of time spiralling about the future or worrying about your safety, as well as that of others. Many just like me wasn’t eating properly, as well as sleeping much more or much less than I normally did. I felt all these things but still somehow maintained stability to conduct my funerals professionally, but I won’t lie it was and still is extremely hard.

So much has occured throughout the pandemic, our industry has lost great people to the pandemic, some have sadly passed away, where as many others have left because the burden and strain became all to much to carry, it does not make them weak, it actually shows great courage to admit that you can no longer cope and need help, I personally admire all that spoke/speak out and bring their fears and concerns to the open, we’ve seen all year numerous frontline workers being applauded for the work they do, mentioned on the television and radio, posters and billboards everywhere applauding the sacrifices given, but rarely a mention if any of the incredible work we do, for many this blanket of ignorance was demoralising, even though we know what importance we carry, and how key critical we are in the chain, for many the exclusion increased those anxiety and depression levels, I personally haven’t heard a single celebrity applaud the work done by the funeral industry, I’ve heard them thank the NHS, Police, fire, ambulance, shop workers, delivery drivers even bin men and council workers but never an FD or and FSO, arranger, embalmer etc its sad and I do understand how this impacts peoples already fragile mindsets.

I cannot speak for all in our industry but for myself and many I know, it has been a daily struggle that we have simply had to learn to live with, and learn to manage yes it has brought with it inherent problems and I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve sat with my head in my hands wondering “why?”, the anguish from families who have been unable to be close to their loved ones, throughout this pandemic, each story as harrowing as the last one, profound sadness at unanswered questions, rules changing weekly, lockdowns began then lifted restrictions everywhere, Tier systems in place, 2nd lockdown measures implemented then a 3rd lockdown, it has just gone from bad to worse, yes those of us who have a corporate arm of the business, have received regular updates of the dos and don’ts etc. I just find the void in the middle difficult to comprehend, from those working at home daily not having to be outside, not having the worry and concern, that the next family coming into the branch to arrange could very well be carrying the virus that I could catch, sending directions that I disagreed with for safety reasons? its been an extremely stressful set of principles to follow and has raised numerous lengthy sometimes heated respectful debate, on what exactly constitutes best practise and keeping our people safe, but that’s another discussion for another blog.

I’ve felt so bitterly sad for my families given the restrictions they’ve been placed under, when saying a last goodbye to their loved ones, I’m pleased in some respects at the levels my company has worked to, with regards to managing the pandemic and our teams and our clients safety, then there are other things which leave my mouth a gape scratching my head as it completely contradicts the good measures in place? I’d like to think and hope that those in our industry find the courage to speak out and open up on their own individual thoughts and concerns, speak to the relevant departments within your businesses, talk to HR or any other confidential department, I hope and pray they do not sit in silence and allow the worry and stress to consume them, and take away their opportunity at a normal life, this pandemic has and will affect us all in some way, no matter how hard faced you think you are, I thought I couldn’t be fazed, I believed I would easily ride through this strong and composed as normal! It was the most stupid thought I could of possibly have had because I felt quite the opposite, remember we are professional at what we do, we care immensely about our families, we want to do the very best for those we are looking after, our teams are at the front of our care and considerations, but lets not doubt the gravity of this pandemic, its hit us all hard and we are hurting but finding ways to come through, we are human beings always remember we are not infallible. stay safe Paul 02.02.21

By Paul Sargent

I was born in Manchester, UK in 1974, I'd like to say that I have worked hard at this attempt at life? I have had some incredible experiences on my journey up to now, and will continue to make memories as and when I can, I live in Leigh, Greater Manchester, UK with my fiancee and son. My current job is that of a Funeral Director, this current year has been an emotional roller coaster, due to the awful Coronavirus Pandemic, that has devastated the globe, I needed an outlet to shut out the realities of the day! A chance for me to escape perhaps my own sub conscious if only for a moment in time. As I expand my journey as a blogger will continue to open my mind and share my thoughts, I'd like to write about Life Through Ordinary Eyes, an honest interpretation at what I see and feel, what experiences I have had, and to perhaps share things that just might help you or someone you know on this voyage of discovery called life. Oh well here goes nothing. . . . . . . . . . . .

1 comment

  1. My second son passed away 31 years ago ,cot death. The day of his funeral I asked the funeral director could I hold him, he had come home before the funeral. He sadly said no I’m sorry because he’s had a post mortem. I said please, he picked him up and gave him to me. I held him and gently rocked him as I did when he was alive. I got to hold my son one last time. It meant everything to me just to have my son back in my arms as my whole body ached just to hold him again. I will never forget his kindness that day.

    Liked by 1 person

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